I’m not a fighter

I’m not. I absolutely despise it. I will if I’m pushed to, but I try like hell to avoid it. I’m too emotional, I get mad, I cry then I’m pissed that I’m crying and I get mad at myself. It’s just ugly. It takes me an exceptional amount of time to be able to separate my emotional self from my “business mind” self. And unfortunately I have to talk or write out my emotions. I apologize if you end up one of the people I ramble to.

I’m trying to navigate a world I’m still very new to. Special Education. With Leo things were pretty clear, our path to where we are now was up hills, down valleys, around corners and through some pretty big traffic jams, but we are right where we need to be, entering mainstream school in the fall. Max is a big ball of I don’t even know.

Socially he’s reserved at first but when he warms up its on. Outside of that he has so many things that put him on the autism spectrum. Sensory issues, lack of speech, major out busts, spins himself in circles, doesn’t sleep, balance and spatial awareness issues. But he was not diagnosed as on spectrum. I don’t understand. Are social quirks and lack of eye contact that heavily weighed in an evaluation? Are all of the other issues, including slow processing and the inability to form a sentence of even 2 intelligible words not factors? I am so lost.

Do I want to have another child with a diagnosis? If it will help both he and myself then yes. If it will help explain why he screams and won’t wear clothes, why he shakes and looks like hes being stabbed with needles when you put a tshirt- with no tag on it on his body. Why he is having night terrors that last 20-60 minutes and there is nothing to be done. Why he walks around with his hands in fists and asking him to open them throws off all of his balance. Why he can dribble a soccer ball across my back yard but can’t get into the car without running face first into the door every day.

Why even with once a week speech therapy, practicing at home and at Leos school he still can’t say “Mickey”. How I am one of the few people that understands 99% of what he says, but most people need me to translate.  I’m lost. So I am asking for reports and for different evaluations. I’m asking for help because I am terrified that on March 17th, his 3rd birthday and our official first day with no services, that I am not equipped to help him grow.

I’m not borrowing worry or making things bigger than they are. He’s not just a brat, hes frustrated and I am too. But I can tell people that I am. Max can’t. So I’m having to prepare to fight, to fight and ask for full evaluations that we did not receive. To fight to ask for what I know in my heart is right for Max. And my anxiety is off the charts high and I can’t bring it down.

So ready or not here I come. After I get this emotional garbage out of my mind.

More worry. Always with the damn worry.

We had Max’s Psychology evaluation with our local regional center. The Psychologist was the same initial psychologist that did not diagnose Leo with Autism. ( we went back a month later and he was diagnosed within minutes of a different Psychologist meeting him) So I have my reservations with his decision.

We also had his evaluation with our school district. They blew through it. Parts of it made me uncomfortable because they assumed he knew things without testing him. Is he smart, very much so. But there are problems, concerns, issues. And I can’t figure out how to help him right now.

His speech is slipping backward more in the past week. He is losing more initial letter sounds, he has “language” right now but most of it is not recognizable to most people. His current speech teacher said this week with his lack of words she was able to hear a very pronounced lisp and is wondering how much of that is effecting the rest of his attempted language.

The Psychologist through the regional center said he was going to write his report that his speech delay is still a huge concern and we would not lose funding for speech services. Then last week our liaison tells me that they never have funding for children over 3 for speech services. So we lose his regional center help in a month. We have an IEP meeting with the school district next month, but if they don’t find enough of a delay he will not be given services through the school district either. So there is a chance that my child, who still cannot communicate and has an overload of sensory issues will lose all services next month and I don’t know how to help him.

There are so many things with him that are worrying me.

His hands are clenched in fists almost all of the time, he can’t speak in understandable sentences, he can’t answer simple questions a better part of the time, he melts down when he gets frustrated, If a bath towel touches him he screams, washing his hair is like a wrestling match, he can’t handle that water on his head.

Every interaction with him ends up like a speech session. Trying to get him to slow down and very intentionally make his sounds. But putting them together it doesn’t happen. It’s like his mouth literally will not form certain letter sounds. I watch him fight and fight and then get frustrated and shut down. When he shuts down, it’s over. I can’t get him to even try again.

Trying to get Providers and Insurance to acknowledge his sensory processing issues is hard. And his sensory issues are so outside my scope of knowledge. Even with reading and listening to his current O.T. and trying all kinds of things I can’t get a grasp of his problems. I can tell you what sets him off, what he can’t handle. I can tell you how I try to make him comfortable with any of these things, but it doesn’t last long or at all and I feel defeated.

I want him to be able to talk to me, to tell me that something hurts or that he just doesn’t like it. I just want to be able to communicate with my little guy, and I can’t. And I don’t know how and right now my spirit is pretty squished.

So pray please, that we get some help so that I can continue to learn to help him learn and grown.

Envy is such a pain

I have a very hard time with envy. I have a lot of it in life. Not always with physical things, but with situations. I’ve got to get over it but it’s so freaking hard. There are things I wish for, I want, but we just aren’t in a place to have them.

I want:

date nights, preschool for both boys, less time alone, more financial stability, a new(er ) car, for my weight loss to progress more, to not have to meticulously budget everything, a weight set in my garage, to get out of the house more, a real vacation.

 

I envy:

people with neurotypical children (yes I know we all have struggles), couples that have scheduled date nights, couples that get to go out of town, take anniversary trips just the two of them, kids that have vacations with grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, families that spend lots of time together outside of houses, moms who get early morning gym time daily.

I know it’s not forever, I know I have so much but sometimes it’s just what it is. Joel will always go to work at o’dark thirty o’clock and I’ll never have early am gym time unless I can find a cheap weight bench for my garage. My children will never be neurotypical so we will have challenges above and beyond the normal things. We will always have to budget, I’ll probably never own a new car and who knows when a vacation will ever be time and financially possible.

So, this year we have two family weddings to attend, both out of town, both a financial puzzle but we will make the most of the quick trips. And we are going to camp, as many weekends as we can this summer. Even if it’s just to right outside of town. We are going to work on our sight words and writing, trying to tie our shoes and singing songs.

I’m going to figure out how to rid my mind of the envy I have of others relationships and date nights and family trips and figure out how to make the 4 of us more than enough for my heart. It’s my own battle and I need to let go of these things sometimes it’s just hard.

Dear Leo,

This week was a rough one. I totally understand. You weren’t feeling great, it’s cold, there was a holiday right smack in the middle of the week, one of your teachers was out sick most of the week. I get it buddy. But here’s the thing. Changes are going to happen. I know you have a hard time with them. I know that sometimes you get all scrambled up and can’t tell me that you’re not okay, but in those moments I need you to take a deep breath and try to find your words. Your nice words.

Walking you out of class today broke my heart. I know you wanted treasure box, but you know how important it is to earn it. And we earn it by having nice words and hands, by making good choices and by listening to all of the wonderful teachers we are so blessed to have guiding us at school. Mommy doesn’t like to have to worry about your actions. I know you know how to be a superawesomefantastic dude, because you are so much of the time. And I know that you know how to ask for a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed. So lets slow down for a minute and listen to our body.

Promise me you’ll try to choose nice words and hands next week. That if someone puts their hands on you on the playground that you’ll say “No I don’t like that” and tell a teacher instead of pushing back. That you’ll try your food and not put garbage in a friends food when they aren’t looking. That you’ll be kind. And that you know that no matter what your actions I love you so very much.

I’m proud of all of the progress you’re making, and the things you’re learning. And know that we all have bad days and rough days and days that we just don’t want to do what we need to do, but we still do them. Know that on those hard days I’ll be waiting to pick you up with a giant hug and some snuggle time when we get home. Talk to me. Talk to your teachers, we all want to see how wonderful you are.

I know you’re really upset about not getting treasure box this week but we will try again next week. Max and I will be there as much as we can to help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Take a big deep breath my love. We all get through the rough days.

Love,

Mom

Lets talk regression

Hindsight is 20/20 right. Totally is when you’re oldest child is diagnosed ASD and when you are asked if you saw a regression, you rack your brain and yup- at 2 1/2 years old there it was. Sensory overload constantly, not gaining words and phrases, saying the same phrases over and over and over and over, only knowing how to communicate via labeling.(dog, cat, momma, milk)
I keep being given weird looks and told basically that I’m off my rocker that it is again happening, at the exact same age, with Max. But today it all became very very clear at an in home ABA session. He became totally overloaded, he shut down, he started screaming and crying and shaking. If you touch him he says ouch over and over and over. This just started. He is 3 days away from being 2 1/2. He is very very slowly gaining words but it’s a fight.
And I get it. I’d be super pissed off too if I couldn’t tell you what my brain is saying. He’s smart, we are so very fortunate that both of our boys are, but he can’t get what is in his head to come out. He can’t tell me what he needs. He can’t say that he’s tired, or that his teeth hurt, or that his tummy hurts. That he can’t focus, or that he just needs a break. And at this exact age, neither could Leo.
Leo would yell. He would cry, he would ball up and rock, he would cover his ears, he would run to a safe place.
Max screams and cries, he throws things and shakes. He answers no to every question and then he burritos himself in a blanket and depending on the amount of time this has all taken he passes out.
His tutor gave me some things to try to calm him down, but we both agree that the “ouch” screaming comes because he flies into sensory overload, so even the lightest touch hurts. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must be like. To not be able to appropriately vocalize what you need, then to get so frustrated all you can do is scream, then not be able to be consoled because it physically hurts. I can’t imagine. And this is happening multiple times a day just about every day.
So I have to check myself. Remind myself that he can’t help it. That he can’t regulate, that I’m going to have to sit and rock him and sing to him and tell him it’s all okay just like I did with his brother. That we are going to have to push everyone to be more patient and take his therapy that much more seriously because I am terrified that he’s not just the super cute kid with a major speech delay. Because I don’t want this to be his normal or forever or even right now.
So here I am again praying for the strength to push through this, for the patience to open my mind and my heart to whatever God has in store for Max and our family. That Max knows that I love him and it doesn’t matter what he needs I’m going to try my hardest to give it to him.
But I’m not crazy. For better or for worse I am so very in tune to my children.

Unreasonable expectations

I have them.
Daily.
I have them for myself, for my husband, for my children and even for my dog.
The funny thing is that I know in my brain that what I think should happen is ridiculous but for some reason my heart still wants them.
Logically:

the dog is going to bark at our mail lady- even though it’s been (just about) the same person, at just about the same time 6 days a week for 3 1/2 years.

Joel is going to be exhausted after work and I try to keep his “to do” list short, and focus on family time but there are days I feel like it’s not enough.

There will daily be at LEAST 2 loads of laundry. And if I slack on it for a couple of days there are then 100. So I should do it daily right?

The boys are going to want to play until they are so tired they fall over, I know this, I try to intercede and head off the massive screaming melt down of exhaustion by requesting “quiet time” in the hope of them settling down to rest. They are 4 and almost 2, they don’t care about sleep, they don’t want to sleep- they are sure they are going to miss something.

I should be further along in my weight loss. I should be able to run a 5k by now, I’ve been working at this for so long- why am I still in size 14 pant?

WHY do I keep getting myself worked up about these things. Why. because I feel the need to traffic direct anything I can. Because I feel like I can’t control so many things (ASD, Sensory freak outs, lack of words, screaming because we can’t talk, health issues, when the sun sets, what time Costco opens, how many people are going to cut me off taking Leo to school) that I feel like I have to have a choke hold on a few things to balance it out. And all I am doing is choking myself.

I pray daily that God calms my heart, softens me to the things that make me rigid, that he will help relax the control issues I have. Somedays he does, others he lets me fight it out.

Leo had to have an EEG Tuesday, it sucked. And I am having a hard time getting passed it.
Logic: He made it through, he did what they needed, we should have the results soon.
Emotion: I have to fully physically restrain him for the first time in a year, The tech was so gruff and told him over and over and over “he couldn’t cry and scream because of other kids at the clinic” (my thought- f the other kids dude, how about you focus on my freaked out one), I wasn’t prepared for the setting or the testing they way I wish I could have been to talk to Leo about it more, I feel like I failed him because we took 300 steps backward for a few days after having the test done.

Max has been saying more single words, and having worse and worse melt downs and tantrums when the words don’t come out. He’s also having worse gas issues. So we are trying lactaid again, tried coconut milk and he looked at me like I had lost my ever loving mind calling it “milk”. I read to him all of the time. We sit and look at one another trying to make words sounds, and it’s all just stuck, and hes mad, and I feel like I am failing him.

And none of this is logical, because we are all alive, working toward goals of understanding, breathing through uncomfortable stuffs and learning, but when the boys struggle I feel like it’s a personal reflection on me. The person that is with them just about 24 hours a day, the person that should be guiding them to daily success

UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

How do I pull myself away from them? I celebrate successes, but why are the set backs like a gut punch?
Gotta figure this out.

For my family

 

Because they deserve more than I give them. Because God saw in his plan for these amazing creatures to be part of my world, and I need to remember that my need for order doesn’t matter when it comes to the happiness of my boys.

I have OCD

It’s undiagnosed but its there. And it gets worse when I’m stressed out. BUT it is crazy helpful with certain things, like “monitoring” when Leo has a jump backward. (There is a pattern, I’m starting to recognize it)

After he was officially diagnosed with Autism I started watching. Looking for things that set of his sensory sensitivity, that overloaded him, when we took leaps backward after climbing higher and higher. We have worked very hard through a lot of his sensory issues. Sirens, coffee grinders, lawn mowers and weed whackers he can sit through most of the time. Wild Kratts and BBC dinosaur documentaries amp him up so much that I can’t calm him back down and have been “outlawed” in our house. SpongeBob squarepants (my husband put it on for him one day, that show gives me a headache) calmed him down. say what?

So after starting school, the first big set back we had was after Spring break. The child that thrives on schedule, that can’t function without it, that demands the first thing they do at school now is make a schedule, had to function on no schedule for a week. We went back to school and he went non verbal, started hitting, screaming all of the time and it wasn’t much better at home.

Then came summer break, he had mellowed out a bit and being back on schedule helped “regulate” the tantrums and outbursts, kept his words coming, and whammo. As much as I tried to make a schedule for us- it wasn’t his normal school schedule and we fell back again. School starts, we are okay.

So breaks are the hardest. And I try to explain to him that breaks are good. But he doesn’t understand. Thanksgiving we had 5 days straight off and it’s been a fight ever since. Pair that with music, lights, shiny and Christmas everywhere. So he’s licking his hands, chewing on his fingers, biting, screaming, not listening, hitting, throwing and generally off. And I don’t always handle it well. I try to stay calm, have him look at me and talk it out, but when it’s the 80th time saying we don’t jump on the couch or hit our brother or scream or throw, I end up yelling. And I know that sets it back even more.

It drives me nuts that something that is normal, that we do everyday some days is too much, or something he can’t handle, or that he just totally shuts down and I can’t get through to him. I can’t understand it. No matter how I try to place it in a pattern or watch for what leads up to it.

I know we are going to have ups and downs, sometimes the downs just kick you in the gut.

So prayers to get through this season in one piece would be greatly appreciated.

Break? Who gets a break?

No one tells you when you first become a stay at home mom that the work you did, and were paid for, is NOTHING in comparison to the work you will be doing at home. That the work at home is never ending, lacking thanks, expected, demanded, 24 hours a day 365 days a year. There is no lunch break or vacation time. That trips to target alone become the most amazing part of your month and that when you leave for an hour and a half you will come home to a disaster and your mild relaxation you just achieved will be squashed the minute you walk in the door. That every morning, even if you try your hardest to have the house picked up the night before there will be dishes in the sink, there will be toys randomly stuck places and a mountain of laundry that you know you tackled all of just the day before. Your mind never turns off, sleep isn’t restful and holiday stress adds to it all. There is always something that needs to be done, someone that needs something or to be taken somewhere. A meal to be cook, cookies to be made, therapy to be ready for, school to get to on time and appointments to fight for. Always something.

2 1/2 weeks ago we headed off to the Pediatricians office for referrals for the boys- none of which have been handled yet. Last Friday I had to take Leo to the E.R. for tummy issues- they ran tests, all of which came back fine there are no infections, his blood counts and iron look fine. But something is wrong. And until we get a damn referral from the doctor the G.I. Specialist scheduler won’t even talk to me. So now he won’t poop, at least he won’t poop in the toilet. He will poop in his pants. GIANT potty training step backward. And frustrating and gross, but I get it, I’d be pretty potty shy after having strangers look at my butt too.

Max is trying to communicate, so very hard but it’s just not happening as fast as he’d like it to. So he throw fits. Epic meltdowns. With a scream that could break glass and gives me an instant migraine. But I don’t always know what he needs. Pair that with his not wanting to sleep unless his daddy is holding him. Yeah so daddy works, and Max needs a nap during the day, but refuses to take them because daddy isn’t here to hold him. I’m not good enough to rock him to sleep so the screaming starts and almost doesn’t end. And it gives me a migraine almost instantly.

I’ve said it before and I totally mean it, I get so mad when I’m talking and my words aren’t understood so I get where both of the boys get their anger with lack of communication, but damnit. I read to them, I sing to them, we talk, we walk and talk. But it’s not working, and I don’t know how to fix it. Got a call from Max’s advocate at the regional center (the place that is suppose to get us started on speech therapy and motor skill issues for him) yesterday. The gal was very nice, but she was the 4th person I’ve told that Leo is also a client of theirs and she is the 4th person that has told me that they like to keep siblings with the same advocate and someone would call me back. Sigh. Broken communication from the place that is suppose to be teaching my children to communicate. Maybe that’s part of the problem.

I have overloaded myself with projects, as per usual and all I really want to do is cross stitch and drink coffee. Cross stitching relaxes me. I love the repetitive motion. I love how pretty the thread looks against the background, and how at first it looks like an abstract piece of art but by the end is something so beautiful. But I can’t. I have that mountain of laundry to tackle, presents to finish and wrap, cookies to bake, dinner to fix, appointments to take people to, therapy to prepare for, and a house to clean.

But there will be a day where I can. And when I can I’ll thank God for the break that I am so desperately in search of now.

Max

Max is 20 months and now 3 days old.

He tested at 21 months for gross motor skills- the nurse said you can tell he has a big brother to run after, 18 months for fine motor skills, 13 months for receptive language and 11 months for expressive language. He also failed his mChat Autism screen.

What this all means. He is developmentally delayed pretty much across the board.  I knew his language was behind but I didn’t think by this much. It does become more apparent when I see friends kiddos that are the same age and hear what they are saying and realize that Max isn’t even close to matching 50% of their words. The mChat screening isn’t just the child is not meeting these milestones, but the lack of certain “normal” characteristics. There are 20 questions, 5 of which are “crticial” (put the risk factor up high) anything over 3 answers missed out of the twenty- or any two missed in the critical category scores your child as having a risk for being diagnosed at age 3. Max missed 9 total.

The Providers that evaluated him yesterday said they think with early intervention he will hopefully pull his scores up. That it seems like he has more words than we with he does- they are all just sounding the same right now, that maybe with finding his words his aggression and head hitting and screaming will relax and we can see if there is actual concern. His eye contact is good, he seems to understand things some of the time and can follow a simple command every so often.

So now we wait to be assigned an advocate- they are going to try to get him in with Leos so I am only having to have one contact person. And we wait to be placed into a place for therapy.

So I promised I was going to be honest right? Here goes. (I want to preface this entire next section by saying that I am fully aware that my boys are two different beings, that their journeys in life are different but there are some similarities in them right now that shake my core)

Max is almost at the age that Leo regressed. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back there was a definite marker for stopped progression in his everything. When  Leo was Maxs age he had eye contact, he had lots of labeling words, he was sweet (still is) his tantrums seemed appropriate for where he was at and what he was doing. Then everything stopped. He lost his eye contact, he stopped gaining words and started making more sounds. Things that he was fine with made him have a full body melt down. he couldn’t function around other kids. We went trough his evaluation-( he was about 26 months old when we found out he couldn’t hear, then eval then tubes). and the same things were said- he’s smart, he failed his mChat,  once his tubes are settled and he can hear with some speech therapy we should be able to bring him above all of his deficits. And he gained words. And when the words came so did other things I wasn’t expecting.

Then came the sensory issues- that he couldn’t tell me what was wrong but he couldn’t and still sometimes can’t function in certain situations. I have had to restrain him more times that I would like to talk about, physically to stop him from throwing himself or something at another person. There are stores we just don’t go to because I can’t handle both of them having a melt down. Leo is strong, and with that when the melt down comes and I have things thrown at me, or I’m being hit, or trying to pick him up it trashes my body. He is 54lbs of tank child, add in flailing and punching and it feels like 400.

Most people don’t see this side of him, because I keep a tight reign on him when we are out or we pretty much only go places I know we can have a chat if we need to and it won’t go into fully hysterics. So what if these same things happen with Max?

How in the world is there enough time to get them where they need to be, to get them both the help they need, to find the places he will feel comfortable, then try to get them both to be comfortable in one anothers comfy places so we can leave the house. How am I going to deal with the looks and the comments from people that don’t understand when they are BOTH having a rough time. How am I going to be able to make them both know how special they are, how it’s okay and we will work hard but sometimes Mommy is going to cry, that sometimes Mommy isn’t going to handle things the right way. That sometimes Mommy isn’t going to know how to help them. How?

I am scared

The day I cancelled 20 O.T. appointments we waited 8 months for

8 months ago an Occupational Therapist at the school Leo was attending requested that we call the office he worked at for additional O.T. outside of school. Leo has had major sensory issues since I can remember. Sounds, lights and touching certain things would start an epic melt down of inconsolable proportions. The school Leo attended was not in an affluent area of town, not even in a predominately middle class area of town. I doubt any of the kids or their families have jobs that provide medical insurance at an affordable cost. We insure the boys through a state HMO because we cannot afford the cost of insurance through my husbands work for the boys.

I contact the therapists office, I am informed that they do not accept any state insurance, but I can definitely pay cash for services- $400 for the evaluation and $120 per hour for therapy. I told her when I tracked a money tree down I’d think about it and I emailed the office manager with a very heavy heart and frustration at my finger tips that they provide services in the public school system, ask that these children come to their clinic for additional services but don’t take many insurance plans, especially the insurance plans a great deal of the public school children participate with.

So I head to our Pediatrician. He says okay- I’ll send a referral to Childrens Hopsital. Okay- few weeks go by, no call from the hospital clinic. I call. They state that they called and left a message on my cell phone, never happened. I am then told that it is not the schedulers fault if I don’t get messages she leaves on voicemails. huh? I facebook rant about it, and a dear friend of mine, who works with this organization asks me if she can show my facebook thread to her manager. In the interim we are scheduled for a consult, an evaluation 4 months in the future.

As time passes in the 4 month wait, Leo has finished out his first school year, and we have no therapy no school no nothing for the entire summer. Silly Mommy, I thought he would be having O.T. services to get us through the summer. ( We were also waiting for our regional center to approve or deny him for additional services through them- which takes forever after the kiddos turn 3, but it’s what got us in with the ABA services we have). So I went into overdrive. I worked with him on understanding that the noises might hurt his ears, but they wouldn’t hurt his body. That lights might hurt our eyes, but that’s why we have super awesome wicked cool sunglasses, that it is okay. So I bought 6 pairs of sunglasses from ebay for 99 cents a pieces free shipping, and we sat in a chair in our backyard when other houses lawns were being mowed and ambulances drove by and I rocked him and rubbed his back and talked to him and told him that it was all okay.

We got to the evaluation and I feel like I am not being heard, I’m not worried about his fine motor skills, they are coming- slowly but coming, and that is her primary focus. Then she drops the bomb that appointments for treatment are booking way out- 4 months out. Wonderful. And that we have to wait for an insurance authorization before they will put us on the schedule. So again, we wait.

A month goes by, I call- they say they don’t have anything authorized. I call his insurance- they have sent over 3 authorizations, I call the clinic back I am told someone will call me back. And they did- to schedule. FRUSTRATED.

Yesterday was our appointment. We drive out to the hospital, check in and sit. and sit. and sit. The therapist- who never gave me her name- was 30 minutes late to our appointment. She wasn’t warm, she was loud and a bit crass. She acted irritated that I had Max with us, and we are in a room full of new cool swings and blocks and mats and that he wanted to run and play with Leo. She asks if he is in school- because 4 months prior he was, and I tell her no we have in home ABA and clinic ABA. She then tells me that perhaps I didn’t look for the proper class for him to be in through the school district and maybe I should be looking for an autism class that is better suited to his needs to get him back in school….

She is afraid to touch him, is worried he is going to hit her or bite her or knock her over. Then asks if he has seizures, because sometimes he stops and stares into space. I say no, she asks me 3 more times and suggests that I talk to his pediatrician about it. Really? By this time I have pretty much mentally checked out. I’m watching him perform tasks he has mastered through ABA with ease. At the end of the appointment- which she rushed and we only got 45 minutes of, because she was late but had to stay on time for her other clients, she asks what our goals are with O.T. and it hit me

8 months ago I needed O.T. to help my child function, to give me hope that the screaming and melt downs would slow down and lack of communication would start to improve, and we’ve grown past that. Through the right people, teachers, therapy and a lot of hard work and tears as a family- he is thriving, better that I ever had hopes for. Better than the system at Childrens ever could have made him. Because he is amazing. Because we are fortunate to have exactly the help we need for him already in place.

So on our drive home I called and cancelled all future appointments in the hope of the Mom that is where I was 8 months ago doesn’t have to wait 8 months for help with her child.