Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

My Christmas Wish — December 20, 2016

My Christmas Wish

It’s not for anything grand or sparkly or expensive. It’s not for unreasonable expectations of others or the failure of persons or things. It’s not for wealth or things, packages or dinners.

My Christmas wish is for love, compassion and outreach to those around us. Open the door for a stranger, say good morning, text someone you haven’t talked to or seen, show up on their front porch with a hug, post something silly on┬átheir Facebook page.

Social media makes it so easy to stay connected to one another, yet I rarely see people anymore. If we can at least let one another know we are thinking of them it might just make someone’s day a little brighter.

I ordered a few things on etsy, they aren’t for Christmas but I ordered during a time where everyone thinks things need to be done right now, that they are more important than the person before them and certainly after them. These shops had to post messages about how busy they are during the holiday season, that they are working around the clock to get things to folks and that if people are rude in emails they will cancel their orders. It made me really sad that people would lash out via email that something isn’t happening in the appropriate time.

I sent both vendors a note wishing them a Merry Christmas. That was it. Nothing more. I got a response back that the email made their day. Something so small, a gesture we give to family and friends given to a stranger, and someone I will never meet in person made their day.

So lets extend this to everyone we meet, but not just during the hectic holiday season, lets do this year round. Let people know there is light and love very present in a world that sometimes seems very dark and hard to maneuver. That even when we are heartbroken because of family goings on and politics and broken cars and never enough money that there will always be someone there with a kind word, a smile and perhaps a hug (if you’re a hugger) to shine a little light on those hard times.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, sending love and light to your world. And I hope you pass it on like wildfire ­čÖé

 

 

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Offers of help, Mommy worry and phrases that invoke anger — February 12, 2015

Offers of help, Mommy worry and phrases that invoke anger

(I want to start this whole blog post by stating this has nothing to do with one person or situation, it is my feelings in general and I am thankful for the hands that surround our family)

“You seem so stressed out”
“You need to let your control issues go and let people help”
“You and Joel need more one on one time”
“You need to have a weekend away without your children”

These phrases make me mad. (Logically they shouldn’t, they are coming from a place of love) But they do. We have people, both family and friends that are like family that help us with the boys when we need. But I try not to ask often. I know these people love not only our children but us and for that I am so grateful. But it’s hard. And these people that toss these phrases out don’t understand that they just scramble my brain up.

Leo is now talking, and that makes it easier for me to leave him at school for 3 hours. Now he can tell someone if something is wrong, if he needs something to drink, go to the bathroom, whatever. A year ago he couldn’t, and I had terrible anxiety taking him to school, or leaving him at church in the kids area, or with our family and friends that volunteered to help. He would get so frustrated by his lack of words and the tantrums and screaming would follow. And the judgment from people about his tantrums broke my heart. I know what it feels like to not be able to comfort my beautiful child and I didn’t want anyone else to feel that way. And now there are similar things happening with Max. So my uncomfortable dealings have shifted to him.

My OCD is very helpful in planning and scheduling, but also a P.I.T.A. when I see that it’s already in both of my children. I never set a schedule for the boys, we fell into a daily one. Lately it’s been set by having to be at school at a certain time everyday Monday-Friday. Top that off with there always having to be a fork by Leos plate at meal times- even if he doesn’t use it (trust me it makes no sense that he eats macaroni and cheese with his fingers but refuses to touch eggs without a fork), that he has to completely finish a book before we can change tasks. That Max has to dump everything out of a something and put every piece back (when asked to) at a snails pace. That Max wants to dress himself and there are days I have to wrestle him to put his clothes on because it would be noon before we made it out of the door otherwise.
That he can’t read a book without at least holding his “glasses”.

The thought of leave the boys overnight with someone, or even having someone come here gives me anxiety. I’m not comfortable with it. And I am okay with that. I’ll get there.

There is an issue with discipline. With Leo its cohesiveness. It has to be the same from place to place and person to person, and when there is someone that isn’t around to see how we do things I worry that it won’t go right. And with Max he has decided to be 2. In all of its all boy, full body tantrum throwing, object throwing glory. It is ugly, and figuring out how to get through to him is a definite challenge.

I am sure as the boys get older I will get better with my feelings with these things. But something I need people to remember before they make statements about what we should be doing, or how stressed I look, is that I am still very sensitive to EVERYTHING involving my children. Their triumphs, set backs, learning, hard learning, discipline, all of it. I don’t know if it’s just being a Mom or if it has to do with having children that need extra time put in to them, I just know it’s me. I love having things offered, but if I don’t accept, it’s not because of control, or being stubborn, it’s because this is my job.

I get time off for good behavior. I get to go to Target and wander, I get to go for jogs and walks, I get to head out with friends. Joel gets his time too when he needs it. Do I get stressed, yes. Is it real stress? Sometimes. Is it me in a hamster wheel. More often than not. And I have an amazing husband to help reel me in when I get that way.

So for the time being we are us. And we ask for help when we need, and we have those that have been walking step by step with us through all of this and understand where I am at. And I can’t thank you all enough. And to everyone that offers hands, there will come a day when I accept and I can’t thank you enough for always wanting to help.