Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

“Normal” — January 3, 2017

“Normal”

I keep wishing for people who do not spend every day with my children to tell me that what they do is “normal”.

Let me be very very plain about this, I would love to have “normal” kids, with “normal” meltdowns and “normal” things, but I don’t. I am okay with it, and I’m asking everyone else to be okay with it too. We have things that are totally age appropriate and developmentally appropriate, but what people that live outside of these 4 walls don’t see is all of the work we put in as a family to appear “normal”.

Daily we have to talk about our schedule for at least 30 minutes before we can leave the house, sometimes longer, and I am to the point of reinstating a visual schedule for both boys, maybe that will happen today actually. If I refuse to talk about it for the 7ooth time we melt down, hard.

We get stuck talking about the same thing for days, and sometimes even weeks. When the subject is changed, we melt down. If things are asked in different ways, or told in different ways, we melt down. If one of the kids tells the other what they are saying is wrong, without using a specific phrase, we melt down. It’s a circle that sucks to get stuck on.

We have a very specific way of starting the day, if that is interrupted we melt down. If we are going to be doing something special or out of the ordinary there are days of prep involved in making it a success. If it is to a place we’ve been we talk about when we are going, we look on calendars, we count days, we tell every person we come in contact with. If it is a new place we have a million questions and if left unanswered we have issues.

We stutter, and spin, and flap and hum. We fight sleep and have night terrors. We have seizures and tummy issues and are hungry all of the time. We try new foods and gag hard every time. We do better when we have our kindles and headphones on. We can’t move to a certain task until we have finished reading an entire series of books. We HAVE to brush our teeth after every meal, we have to eat every meal and snack at just about the same time every day.

We lose our words when we are over stimulated, we sleep hard after seizures, we have to be in charge of everything. We try to play with friends and end up alone just about every time because we can’t figure out how to play tag, or why they aren’t into the overly complicated adventure game we’ve concocted.

More than anything we try every day. We try to just go with the flow and it’s hard for us. We try to find our words, we try. And sometimes we have ugly responses, and they aren’t always intentional, and mommy and daddy know when they are and when they aren’t. But we still get the looks and the eye rolls and the stares.

I see where other almost 6 year olds and almost 3 year olds are, and I know where my boys are. I know where we excel and where we lack. But normal, we are not. AND I AM OKAY WITH IT.

So please, stop telling me things that worry me are just normal and they will out grow it.

 

 

 

 

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Our Autism world — April 3, 2016

Our Autism world

Every household, every set of kids and parents’ world with Autism looks totally different from the next. Some have school and some therapy. Some baseball teams some video games. Some are filled with words some are quiet. Our world is so full, and I’d love to share some of what it’s filled with. 🙂

Our world with Autism is filled with preschool and church and dancing and music. It’s filled with McDonalds and pizza and pancakes and bananas. It’s filled with bubble baths and movies and stuffed animals and snuggles. And jammies and favorite books and laughs and hugs. It’s filled with words, some that make sense and some that don’t and some that take a very long time to master. It’s filled with transitions from thing to thing and place to place that are sometimes really hard and with repetitive questions about our schedule for a greater part of the day.

It is filled with noise and light and smells and sounds and sometimes these things are really hard to push past. It’s full of toe walking and jumping and flapping and spinning circles when we are excited. It’s full of swimming and dirt digging and car playing and kung fu. It’s full of emotions that come very heavy in waves and sometimes not at all. It’s full of drawing and coloring and learning to read and write and frustrations because these things are super hard.

It’s full of excitement for things like birthdays and fireworks and morning prayers and car sing alongs. It’s full of adventures to the zoo and the discovery center to the park and around the corner to Walmart for doughnuts. It’s full of abcmouse.com and Anamalia books and spiderman and legos. It’s full of smiles and frowns and yells of joy and tears of pain and frustration.

But more than anything else listed, our world is FULL OF LOVE. Between one another, we show it to our neighbors, the homeless, our extended family and our teachers and each other. Our friends and animals and the grocery store clerks and waitresses we encounter every week. The love is what makes the good great and the rough patches easier to pull through.

Living in a household driven by speech delays and sensory issues and stimming and constantly having to repeat conversations is draining, both mentally and physically. I’d take away every stutter, flap, nipple pinch, loud noise and bright light that Leo can’t handle in a heartbeat. I’d take away every struggle Max has with his words, his head hitting, his spinning and his toe walking so fast. But it is who they are. And it’s okay. And it’s okay because we love.  Our family is just like everyone elses, with kiddos learning their footing in this big old world and teaching their mom and dad how to open their hearts and minds even bigger to accept them as they are.

I’d love to hear what your world with Autism is like. 🙂

lets light it up blue!