Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

Never did I ever… — April 11, 2017

Never did I ever…

Never did I ever think I would be a wife and mother.

Never did I ever think I would love as hard as I have every single day for the last 6 years and 63 days.

Never did I ever think I would be a special needs parent.

Never did I ever understand what an IEP was, until 3 years ago.

Never did I ever want strangers involved in my world.

Never did I ever think that schedules and therapy and specialists would be a huge part of our lives.

Never did I ever think 90% of what I cook for my children would be tan.

Never did I ever think that I would have to hear the word “Autism” attached to my children

Never did I ever think I would have to fight for the help I need.

Never did I ever think this would be life.

Never did I ever know love, patience, laughter, togetherness, faith, persistence, emotions and want as I do now.

Never did I ever see myself as an advocate for those who struggle with words, and noises and light and smells and being homeless and having nothing

Never did I ever think but I get to live such a beautifully imperfectly perfect life and for that I am so very thankful.

Peace, love and being a momma — September 22, 2016

Peace, love and being a momma

Today is International Peace Day. A day to spread peace and love speak and actions with everyone you meet. To show this world that we can and will not only conquer the rough stuff of life with love and smiles but that TOGETHER as a people we are better. Think about it, all of the beautifully amazing different things we all bring to the table. Thoughts, ways to worship, food, clothing, music, it’s amazing and beautiful.

And I don’t know why people are so scared of the things they don’t understand.

Embracing the things I don’t understand is just part of our world. Or rather has been for the past 5.5 years. There were things I didn’t understand before but I’d either learn about them or scootch around them, I was in control  of what I slammed face first into. And then Joel came into my world. He was new and I didn’t totally understand him and then we got married and I still didn’t have him totally figured out but I was much more comfortable with him. And then came Leo and the same, and then Max and holy Lord.

And just when I thought I was starting to understand Leo, bam- he regressed and was diagnosed with Autism. Same thing with Max. God has not let me live in comfort with these kids yet, and guess what…

I AM OKAY.

woah, wait a minute what. Yeah. Even in the moments, days, weeks, of uncertainty and confusion I am okay. Go figure that one. Even when I am not sure how to handle a behavior, how to make words come, how to keep health insurance, how to make a living, how to get from one place to the next in the correct time, I am okay. Why? Because I have faith. (Yes I have faith in God but He’s not who I am specifically talking about right now)

I have faith in the people around me. Family, friends, teachers, strangers. I have faith that there will be listening and love and understanding. That there will be hugs and tears and smiles and celebrations. Because that faith is what keeps the love moving from one person to the next. It’s what keeps me waking up every morning and wanting to push forward and through to that next hurdle. Because I know that there will always be someone with a kind or helpful word that will help get us over it. Because loving is learning.

So lets keep moving the love forward, even in the simplest of ways to one another. Have faith in your fellow man even when you might not understand his or her lifestyle choice, religion, choice of shoes. Because those things aren’t as important as being better together, and being together as people trying to live and love.

Wishing you all a peace filled evening and life

 

 

 

To Leo — August 15, 2016

To Leo

Dear Leo,

Tomorrow is your first day of Kindergarten. What a big dude you’ve become. This past year you have learned so much. We have watched you grow leaps and bounds in the words you say, the foods you try, the friends you’ve made and the confidence you’ve built. On the eve of your first day of Kindergarten I have a few things I want to tell you.

Above all else, continue to love others the way you do now. You have one of the most amazing souls I have ever been privileged to meet. Keep that love always, it’s precious and very rare.

Take a deep breath when you get overwhelmed or frustrated. Make sure to use your words in a nice tone and I have no doubt the help you need is the help you will get.

Make sure it’s “shoot” not “shit” (please, pretty pretty please)

Know that some things are going to be hard and that’s okay because they won’t be hard forever.

Always say please and thank you. To your teachers, the cafeteria lady, the crossing guards and the janitors. They all work very hard to help you succeed and we need to make sure we know how special they are to us.

The days are going to be longer, there will be more structure and more sit down and listen but there are going to be some familiar things too. You’re down the same hall you were last year, the food is pretty much the same and you already have a friend in the class. How lucky that you get to see Jaxn every day.

You are one very very lucky guy. You have so many friends rooting you on this year. So many teachers and tutors that are so excited for you. You have a support system that is literally as big as the sky, full of more love than could fit in the Pacific ocean and more excitement that I have seen in my time so far on Earth.

You are all ready my love. Sweet dreams, sleep tight. And tomorrow we start a whole new journey. I love you. I am so proud of you. You make my world so very good.

Love,

Momma

 

Hatred and Irrational Fear….. — July 16, 2016

Hatred and Irrational Fear…..

Muslims, Gays, Jews, Transgendered persons, handicapped, immigrants, non followers of Jesus, the Government.

The fear against these groups of people are rampant and seem to be more and more in the forefront of news articles and peoples talk. All of this irrational fear. For what? So you can justify your racist words and actions? So you can build your arsenal of weapons and segregate yourself from the world? So your paranoia about people and things have a justified place?  Interesting.

Yesterday I was told that the borders to the US need to be shut off because we are over populated. That “they” take our jobs away, that “they” are a drain. These words came from someone who has been retired for over 30 years. This persons reality comes from watching Fox News and believing its the gospel according to man. How small a mind is this? I was told that in “my day” we worked the fields. I asked to be introduced to one spoiled white American that would be willing to pick lettuce. One. They might do it for their own family but they surely aren’t going to do it as a profession.

I have been told that the government is trying to control our every move. They want to take our rights as citizens away. They want to limit what we are able to do, by a person that believes being a homosexual is a choice that comes from some sort of trauma. That believes the LGBTQ community shouldn’t be able to call their marriages just that. To someone who opposes the right for a woman to control what happens to her own body, who believes that pot shouldn’t be legal but we should be drilling to make gas cheaper. So, control is only okay when it aligns with my personal beliefs? Oh okay.

Terrorists are automatically thought to be Muslim, because if there is an eccentric minority in a people group of course they represent all of that people group. So all Christians are like Westboro Baptist church right? And the KKK, and the Evangelical mega churches that preach hate and fear? Its okay if I spout my truth and push my beliefs in your face, even if it includes violence and ugly words, hatred of a people group as long as I state its what MY God has put into my heart.

Hate and fear have become acceptable emotions, justifiable with the reaction to said emotion, how wrong is that? Teaching hate spreads the horror that is currently active in the World. Preaching fear takes power from people to strive to make positive decisions. Why does it seem more than ever that people believe EVERYTHING they are told? When did people stop questioning why something is what it is or how it is? Maybe it’s always been this way and I’ve been fortunate to not encounter it.

I was taught as a child to have respect for others but to ask questions. Asking questions is not a disrespectful act, its how we learn. So I always have. And I think and think and think and research and I form my own opinion. Sometimes it falls in line with others and sometimes it doesn’t. I attend church, I love the way they teach the Bible, like an ongoing history lesson. They talk about what was happening at the time a certain book was written, but I have never been told what to believe or how I am suppose to believe in or worship God. I disagree with a giant portion of the people in this world and my faith on certain issue. My beliefs don’t make me any less spiritually linked to God than the person next to me. My heart works in a different way than many.

This past week was heavy. War, death, friendships, hate speak, propositions to remove rights of citizens, talk of deporting all persons that believe different than the Evangelical Christians, having to fight for services for my son- again. My heart is hurting. Hurting so much that it’s put me into a very sad place that I am having a very hard time pulling out of. I don’t understand any of this. I can’t wrap my head around thinking some are less than because they are different. I don’t understand how shouting hate at people is acceptable. I don’t understand any of it. I want to change it and I’m not sure how to impact the world around me right now. That is probably the hardest. Knowing I need to stand tall and strong in my words and beliefs and feeling so tiny compared to the nasty. Feeling like I am an ant in a world of T-Rex dinosaurs who use their aggression and giant teeth to either make you join or take you out.

Life is hard enough with adding hate and irrational fear to your shopping list. Don’t pick that shit up, it’s over priced and goes bad way before it’s expiration date. I’m putting on my shit kickers and going to boot that negative crap out. It has no place in my world. Jesus has placed love in my heart and that’s what I plan on sharing with the world.

If you’re interested.. here’s who I am — February 26, 2016

If you’re interested.. here’s who I am

Coming off of a heated discussion last night on facebook where a debate was started over something I posted, that was not intended for debate and then being told if I don’t want people to express their opinions on my facebook page I should censor myself I thought I’d share with the world who I am, what I’m about and why you can take a hike if you’re just here to cause problems.

I believe in God. I strive to live like Jesus. To teach and to lead and to love without judgement, because it’s not my place. My place is to show love, be love and to be thankful. To be faithful in learning Gods word, in being a walking image of his word and of practicing what I preach to EVERY person I meet. I believe we are all amazingly broken people that are really good underneath what we fight every day. We all sin. Period.

I’m liberal, socially I am very very liberal. I believe in taking care of one another. I believe that sometimes people need help and to help them rise they need a boost both emotionally and financially. Hatred is not something I choose to practice in my world. I choose to lead with love, I choose to listen. I choose to show the world that you don’t have to be angry and loud and full of hatred to make a point. But if you push me too far I’m a cannon, especially with things I’m passionate about.  I do not start debates or drama on other peoples social media pages or sites. If someone asks a question of others I may choose to answer but I do not troll or poke just to troll or poke. It’s rude.

I believe in manners, please and thank you. I believe in spankings and soap in the mouth and giant bear hugs and snuggles. I believe in loving until it hurts and crying until you can’t see. I have faith in Doctors and medicine and vaccines and holistic approaches. I believe in growing your own food and supporting all stores, because local isn’t just the store it’s the people who work in it. I believe in recycling- things and water. I believe in the public school system, my ability to navigate it and that our teachers need to be shown more respect and love- they are helping to shape the men and women that will take care of this country when I’m old. What a job.

I married for love and I’m more in love with my husband every time we push together through a rough patch. I believe that my children are amazing and will change the world, they already have. I believe that music can fix just about anything and a smile can be the best medicine for almost any situation. I don’t mind getting dirty or learning how to build. I love working on cars and learning about science.

I am more reserved than I used to be. Listening is much more interesting. I think about everything at least 5 million times before I make a decision. I like charts and check lists. I have anxiety and ocd issues that I fight every single day. I drink too much coffee. I was a medical biller for the better part of a decade and understand wayyyyyy more about health insurance, payers, doctors fees, contracted rates and fighting for money that you are owed than the majority of the general public.

But more than anything else I treat people with respect. I do not attack their beliefs, their physical appearance or their religious or political views. I don’t choose to make every situation a platform for what I believe in, but I share my heart. If these are things that offend you, you feel I need to be “schooled” on or you’d like to start a debate with me on something I’m pretty well versed in, just don’t. Because social media is not the place to have a word battle. You want to get coffee and talk, I can try to make that happen. But here, no.

 

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Overly emotional Mommy, party of me. — December 18, 2015

Overly emotional Mommy, party of me.

I have always been an emotional person. It’s gotten worse with becoming a mom and now being able to help in Leo’s class and seeing these HUGE leaps these kiddos are making daily, weekly, monthly and getting to see and experience the love his teachers have for the kids and us mommies and daddies it’s gotten a notch worse.

Worse isn’t the right word. My emotions for my children have grown. The steps forward and the growth in both of them makes me cry, the set backs and rough patches make me cry. And the same happens for the friends in Leos class. Some of them had a really rough start with preschool and the growth in language and friend skills, in coloring and singing in counting and direction following is amazing. They start the school year as little guys and gals, set in their own home routines and have their worlds rocked but in the most beautiful way.

These kiddos come from all kinds of family situations some with siblings some without, some spend lots of time with grandparents and some split time with their own parents. Some parents both work some are blessed like I am to learn with their kids. The one commonality they all have is when they enter Room #1 and the love that the teachers share with each and every child.

These teachers have been staying so upbeat and excited for the holiday season through illness and the excitement of 19 3 and 4 year olds. They taught them songs and poems and got them ready to sing for a whole cafeteria full of family members. And today all of the hard work and love shined so very bright when these beautiful children made their way to the stage.

I had a breath holding moment of fear before the curtain opened when I looked around at the amount of people that were in the audience. They had practiced every day on the stage but to an empty cafeteria. Today was THE day. How is Leo going to do with all of this? A year ago he probably would have tried to run away. Too loud, too many people, to bright. Not today.

The curtains open and all we hear is “WOAH LOOKIT ALL THE PEOPLE! HI MOM HI DAD HI MAX!!!” theres my guy. And I cried. No, I balled my eyes out.

I cried because of how great they all were doing sitting and singing, like little pros. I cried because of how hard we’ve worked with Leo to have confidence in any setting. I cried because he wasn’t scared. I cried because he’s such a big guy. I cried because I’m his mom and I am so proud of him, excited for everything he gets to experience that is brand new and because he is such an amazing kid.

So I cried, giant rolling tears. And my heart is so full.

 

Dear Leo, — November 13, 2015

Dear Leo,

This week was a rough one. I totally understand. You weren’t feeling great, it’s cold, there was a holiday right smack in the middle of the week, one of your teachers was out sick most of the week. I get it buddy. But here’s the thing. Changes are going to happen. I know you have a hard time with them. I know that sometimes you get all scrambled up and can’t tell me that you’re not okay, but in those moments I need you to take a deep breath and try to find your words. Your nice words.

Walking you out of class today broke my heart. I know you wanted treasure box, but you know how important it is to earn it. And we earn it by having nice words and hands, by making good choices and by listening to all of the wonderful teachers we are so blessed to have guiding us at school. Mommy doesn’t like to have to worry about your actions. I know you know how to be a superawesomefantastic dude, because you are so much of the time. And I know that you know how to ask for a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed. So lets slow down for a minute and listen to our body.

Promise me you’ll try to choose nice words and hands next week. That if someone puts their hands on you on the playground that you’ll say “No I don’t like that” and tell a teacher instead of pushing back. That you’ll try your food and not put garbage in a friends food when they aren’t looking. That you’ll be kind. And that you know that no matter what your actions I love you so very much.

I’m proud of all of the progress you’re making, and the things you’re learning. And know that we all have bad days and rough days and days that we just don’t want to do what we need to do, but we still do them. Know that on those hard days I’ll be waiting to pick you up with a giant hug and some snuggle time when we get home. Talk to me. Talk to your teachers, we all want to see how wonderful you are.

I know you’re really upset about not getting treasure box this week but we will try again next week. Max and I will be there as much as we can to help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Take a big deep breath my love. We all get through the rough days.

Love,

Mom