Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

Hatred and Irrational Fear….. — July 16, 2016

Hatred and Irrational Fear…..

Muslims, Gays, Jews, Transgendered persons, handicapped, immigrants, non followers of Jesus, the Government.

The fear against these groups of people are rampant and seem to be more and more in the forefront of news articles and peoples talk. All of this irrational fear. For what? So you can justify your racist words and actions? So you can build your arsenal of weapons and segregate yourself from the world? So your paranoia about people and things have a justified place?  Interesting.

Yesterday I was told that the borders to the US need to be shut off because we are over populated. That “they” take our jobs away, that “they” are a drain. These words came from someone who has been retired for over 30 years. This persons reality comes from watching Fox News and believing its the gospel according to man. How small a mind is this? I was told that in “my day” we worked the fields. I asked to be introduced to one spoiled white American that would be willing to pick lettuce. One. They might do it for their own family but they surely aren’t going to do it as a profession.

I have been told that the government is trying to control our every move. They want to take our rights as citizens away. They want to limit what we are able to do, by a person that believes being a homosexual is a choice that comes from some sort of trauma. That believes the LGBTQ community shouldn’t be able to call their marriages just that. To someone who opposes the right for a woman to control what happens to her own body, who believes that pot shouldn’t be legal but we should be drilling to make gas cheaper. So, control is only okay when it aligns with my personal beliefs? Oh okay.

Terrorists are automatically thought to be Muslim, because if there is an eccentric minority in a people group of course they represent all of that people group. So all Christians are like Westboro Baptist church right? And the KKK, and the Evangelical mega churches that preach hate and fear? Its okay if I spout my truth and push my beliefs in your face, even if it includes violence and ugly words, hatred of a people group as long as I state its what MY God has put into my heart.

Hate and fear have become acceptable emotions, justifiable with the reaction to said emotion, how wrong is that? Teaching hate spreads the horror that is currently active in the World. Preaching fear takes power from people to strive to make positive decisions. Why does it seem more than ever that people believe EVERYTHING they are told? When did people stop questioning why something is what it is or how it is? Maybe it’s always been this way and I’ve been fortunate to not encounter it.

I was taught as a child to have respect for others but to ask questions. Asking questions is not a disrespectful act, its how we learn. So I always have. And I think and think and think and research and I form my own opinion. Sometimes it falls in line with others and sometimes it doesn’t. I attend church, I love the way they teach the Bible, like an ongoing history lesson. They talk about what was happening at the time a certain book was written, but I have never been told what to believe or how I am suppose to believe in or worship God. I disagree with a giant portion of the people in this world and my faith on certain issue. My beliefs don’t make me any less spiritually linked to God than the person next to me. My heart works in a different way than many.

This past week was heavy. War, death, friendships, hate speak, propositions to remove rights of citizens, talk of deporting all persons that believe different than the Evangelical Christians, having to fight for services for my son- again. My heart is hurting. Hurting so much that it’s put me into a very sad place that I am having a very hard time pulling out of. I don’t understand any of this. I can’t wrap my head around thinking some are less than because they are different. I don’t understand how shouting hate at people is acceptable. I don’t understand any of it. I want to change it and I’m not sure how to impact the world around me right now. That is probably the hardest. Knowing I need to stand tall and strong in my words and beliefs and feeling so tiny compared to the nasty. Feeling like I am an ant in a world of T-Rex dinosaurs who use their aggression and giant teeth to either make you join or take you out.

Life is hard enough with adding hate and irrational fear to your shopping list. Don’t pick that shit up, it’s over priced and goes bad way before it’s expiration date. I’m putting on my shit kickers and going to boot that negative crap out. It has no place in my world. Jesus has placed love in my heart and that’s what I plan on sharing with the world.

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. — January 25, 2015

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom.

Yup, you heard me. But I guess before I can expand on that statement I should make a few more- that one of my bestest buddies NEVER LETS ME LIVE DOWN SAYING…
I never wanted to get married or have children. I was always good to go with being Auntie Katie drinking her cocktail and smoking her cigarette and loving and spoiling kiddos.

Then I met Joel, and fell hard, then got to know him and realized this guy made me rethink the whole wanting to get married thing. Like I could actually see myself living with him forever- say what?!?! I missed him if we were apart, he didn’t disgust me when he brushed his teeth, he was (and still is) pretty easy going, and up for adventures. I was like yeah, this guy. I asked him to marry me, and a few days later he said yes LOL. I know I know.

So we were content, started a journey moved to Spokane and one day my body told me it was time to have babies. I was like- yo uterus, check yo self. I DONT WANT KIDS. But, I totally did. So we took a leap of faith and poof Leo. And then a couple of years and a miscarriage later, poof we ended up with Max.

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When we moved back to California Leo was about 3 months old. We had to get settled in a house and get Joel back to work, and when he was 7 months old I went back to work part time. It was a nice mix- I got to hang out with my lil monkey guy and be productive in a grown up world. Then I changed jobs and went to work full time. I’m not going to lie, I was JAZZED about Leo getting to go to daycare. He’d have friends, and make crafts, he’d have holiday parties and learn songs. How exciting, and selfishly I was so excited to be bringing home a paycheck, having a reason to get schnazzed up every day and forming relationships with grown ups that I had very recently been mourning the loss of.

I lost that job about a month before Max came into the world- our company sold and I was tossed into being a full time mommy. We kept Leo in daycare for a while- he was doing so well….. and then his slide started and things changed. Max was about 3 months old when financially we had to pull Leo out of daycare. Shortly thereafter all of the testing started and we started on his journey to new ways of hearing and learning. It was a lot- a newborn and trying to shuffle him around. But I still had the desire to work. I always thought, we can get through the testing and get him into a class or school that will help him grow, I can find a job put Max in daycare and it’ll all be good.

I was dreaming.
I still dream.

I’m not going to lie. I’m 2 years into this stay at home mom job and I still don’t get it. I’m not sure if it’s different when you’re not shuttling your kids to therapies, and preparing the house daily for at home therapy, but I just don’t get it.

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Backyard fun

Don’t get me wrong- I have been BLESSED to see my kids take their first steps, say their first words, eat everything under the sun, put clothes on for the first time, blow bubbles in the bath for the first time. I am watching them grow and change. But I do feel like the world is passing me by. Like I have no way to connect to people who aren’t mommies.

I also can’t even seem to get a call back when applying for jobs. So I guess that’s a sign from God that I’m where I am suppose to be. But I still don’t totally get it.

This is not a job for the faint of heart, for the unsure, for the tenderhearted, for the tired, for the grumpy, for the perfectionist, for the holder of the O.C.D., for the foul mouthed, for the determined… or maybe it is.

It’s thankless, it is 24/7, it is all encompassing, it is repetitive, it drains everything you have in your reserves, and people choose it. CHOOSE IT. I still don’t get it. But it has chosen me. I do not believe “God never gives you more than you can handle” I believe he pushes your boundaries of comfort until you have no choice but to ask for his leadership. That struggle even in its darkest hours, when you want to throw your hands up and walk away a little something creeps in and softens that anger/hatred/mad you have at that moment. That not choosing this path but being placed on it is not happenstance, it’s not by mistake it’s because you have a gift you are not yet aware of. That you are going to meet people also on this path that are going to enrich your life, challenge your thinking, expand your heart and show you love and compassion you aren’t accustomed to being shown. It’s because it’s not about you, or me. It’s about a journey.

And while I’m on it, and I hear that women choose this I want to ask them why. Why with everything there is in this world to try to do, why would you choose this?!?!?!? And I look at my children and I know, because they are so very worth everything I could possibly offer to another human.

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So I say a prayer and thank God that my heart changed when I met my now husband, that his love made me want to build a family with him and that our beautiful children need some extra time and hands and that their needs have put me in a place I will never be comfortable with, but I know I am fully needed.

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Sleep, spiderman, veggies and referrals. AKA life — December 4, 2014

Sleep, spiderman, veggies and referrals. AKA life

Life has been busy. I thought having 5 days off of all therapy and being able to “fly by the seat of our pants” would be awesome. Then my thoughts came crashing down realizing I have an austic child that needs a schedule to function. So our Thanksgiving weekend was a little rough but we made it.

Spiderman (also known as my mom) has been called a few times to convince Leo veggies are good to eat and that they make Spiderman big and strong. This morning was a flip situation that had me holding in a laugh so very hard. Scrambled eggs have been another “please just eat it” food. This morning he scooped up a giant fork full, put it in his mouth, chewed it up looked at me and said (very proudly I might add)

“Momma, call Spiderman” so we did. It was awesome.

Our next goal is to get him to try new foods without gagging himself as they go into his mouth.

Last night everyone slept in their appropriate beds. This hasn’t happened in months. No one woke up in the middle of the night, no cries, nothing. It was fantastic. I don’t want to get excited but here’s hoping and praying for another sleep night like that.

As excited as the boys were for Halloween, the Christmas excitement isoff the charts here. Including Leo explaining to everyone that Santa comes on Christmas, which is Jesus’ birthday and that Spiderman will be making an apperance at his birthday party as well.

In between all of this I am trying to continue my quest of strength training and losing more weight while giving myself shin splints. My beloved and totally evil (God I love her) Physical Therapist basically threatened to remove my legs if I don’t let them heal. gah. So the bike it is.

Now we are waiting for more fun seasonal things, cookie making, kuga making, Christmas Tree Lane and referrals to specialists for both boys. Tummy issues, possible seizures for Leo and making sure Max can hear because he too will be starting speech therapy soon.

So heres to life. And embarking on a season to love a little more and a little harder, and to celebrate Jesus, family and love.