Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

Exhaustion — May 24, 2015

Exhaustion

It’s hard trying to keep things together when you’re exhausted.
Today marks the 7th day in a row where I’ve been on my own with the boys for the better part of the day. (Single moms, Moms with deployed husbands and weird work schedules- I don’t know how you do it all of the time)
Our schedule has changed a ton in the past few weeks, and we rarely leave the house anymore. Max has ABA every weekday morning from 9 to noon and then 3 days a week Leo has ABA in the afternoons from 1 until 4. I walk everyday, but most of the time they are short, mile ish walks that only leave me out of the house for 20-30 minutes.
Yesterday was my standing Saturday House Cleaning gig, 4 hours of James Taylor Pandora, scrubbing and no children screaming that the other one was trying to touch them. It is glorious. (A big thank you to NANA yesterday for taking the boys to the zoo so I could get my job done and earn some money)
House cleaning has become a great supplement in our income and a great source of therapy for me. Physical tired is always easier for me than mental tired. And consistently having to
ask for the boys to put cups away
ask them to use words,
keep hands to themselves
stop screaming
listen to the tutors
stop getting in my face
eat what is on your plate
no you’re not getting dessert first
please don’t pee on the toilet pee in the toilet
no you cannot watch dinosaurs
no we are not playing trex in the house
its raining and cold you cannot go swimming
why are you putting a new pair of underwear on
yes you did poop and yes I am going to change your diaper
that is juice isn’t that what you asked for
please do not ride the dog
the cats tail is not a lasso
you can be a cowboy as long as you don’t hit anyone with the rubber snake
rolling chairs are not appropriate step ladder
you asked for Elmo this is elmo
we don’t rip pages out of books
please don’t pee on one another
no you cannot have a 3rd otter pop
there are 3 bicycles stop fighting over the same one
no we are not having chickensandfrenchfriesandsauce 3 times a day
I’m planning on a very long walk today. Here’s hoping my body stays together enough until I actually get to make it happen.

Advertisements
Transitions, stimming, workload, changes and walking. Lots and lots of walking. — April 23, 2015

Transitions, stimming, workload, changes and walking. Lots and lots of walking.

Those words pretty much sum up life around here as of late.
I walk, every single day. At least a mile. My body is changing in a great way, I feel better and have lessened my stress. I am also now a month off of my migraine meds and 7 months off of blood pressure meds. I think sunshine and movement are cure-alls for me ๐Ÿ™‚

Tomorrow is our first official IEP for Leo and the transition from a Special Ed preschool class to an inclusion preschool class. I don’t have an idea what we are in for. I do know that we all seem to be on the same page and I am hopeful that everything is going to transition smoothly. Prayers are always welcome. ๐Ÿ™‚

Max starts ABA 5 mornings a week the beginning of May. I am very hopeful for progress with his communication and behaviors. Again, Prayers very welcome.
With these changes I have to give up my Life Group that I am part of through church for the foreseeable future. Although I did suggest Skyping me into the study ๐Ÿ™‚ I know this is again a season of life and change that will not be forever but feels kinda long.

Leos stimming, Maxs lack of words and general stuff around here has been on overdrive. I have made the decision that what gets done (house work wise) gets done. What doesn’t, well that can just wait until tomorrow. Things seem to get done more effortlessly, still not totally sure how that happens, but it does!

I wish I had more to say. I’ll get it together better after tomorrows meeting.
Until then Peace and love ๐Ÿ™‚

Unreasonable expectations — February 20, 2015

Unreasonable expectations

I have them.
Daily.
I have them for myself, for my husband, for my children and even for my dog.
The funny thing is that I know in my brain that what I think should happen isย ridiculous but for some reason my heart still wants them.
Logically:

the dog is going to bark at our mail lady- even though it’s been (just about) the same person, at just about the same time 6 days a week for 3 1/2 years.

Joel is going to be exhausted after work and I try to keep his “to do” list short, and focus on family time but there are days I feel like it’s not enough.

There will daily be at LEAST 2 loads of laundry. And if I slack on it for a couple of days there are then 100. So I should do it daily right?

The boys are going to want to play until they are so tired they fall over, I know this, I try to intercede and head off the massive screaming melt down of exhaustion by requesting “quiet time” in the hope of them settling down to rest. They are 4 and almost 2, they don’t care about sleep, they don’t want to sleep- they are sure they are going to miss something.

I should be further along in my weight loss. I should be able to run a 5k by now, I’ve been working at this for so long- why am I still in size 14 pant?

WHY do I keep getting myself worked up about these things. Why. because I feel the need to traffic direct anything I can. Because I feel like I can’t control so many things (ASD, Sensory freak outs, lack of words, screaming because we can’t talk, health issues, when the sun sets, what time Costco opens, how many people are going to cut me off taking Leo to school) that I feel like I have to have a choke hold on a few things to balance it out. And all I am doing is choking myself.

I pray daily that God calms my heart, softens me to the things that make me rigid, that he will help relax the control issues I have. Somedays he does, others he lets me fight it out.

Leo had to have an EEG Tuesday, it sucked. And I am having a hard time getting passed it.
Logic: He made it through, he did what they needed, we should have the results soon.
Emotion: I have to fully physically restrain him for the first time in a year, The tech was so gruff and told him over and over and over “he couldn’t cry and scream because of other kids at the clinic” (my thought- f the other kids dude, how about you focus on my freaked out one), I wasn’t prepared for the setting or the testing they way I wish I could have been to talk to Leo about it more, I feel like I failed him because we took 300 steps backward for a few days after having the test done.

Max has been saying more single words, and having worse and worse melt downs and tantrums when the words don’t come out. He’s also having worse gas issues. So we are trying lactaid again, tried coconut milk and he looked at me like I had lost my ever loving mind calling it “milk”. I read to him all of the time. We sit and look at one another trying to make words sounds, and it’s all just stuck, and hes mad, and I feel like I am failing him.

And none of this is logical, because we are all alive, working toward goals of understanding, breathing through uncomfortable stuffs and learning, but when the boys struggle I feel like it’s a personal reflection on me. The person that is with them just about 24 hours a day, the person that should be guiding them to daily success

UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

How do I pull myself away from them? I celebrate successes, but why are the set backs like a gut punch?
Gotta figure this out.

For my family

10170755_10153057723673529_5040530801251318242_n

10526172_10153058280653529_1175989008797552965_n10984625_10153077358258529_1858686854250630806_n

ย 

Because they deserve more than I give them. Because God saw in his plan for these amazing creatures to be part of my world, and I need to remember that my need for order doesn’t matter when it comes to the happiness of my boys.

Stuff, so very much stuff — January 8, 2015

Stuff, so very much stuff

There is always “stuff” isn’t there!?!? The “stuff” happening here is all kind of awesome. At least I think it is.
Leo has been having at home ABA therapy since September- 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. In November he started 3 days a week at the clinic that also houses a preschool, so certain things- like circle time- he was able to be included in with other kiddos, and interacting one on one with kids like him. Starting Monday he is going to be 3 hours a day 5 days a week AT THE CLINIC (to start incorporating him more into the preschool setting and working more on his social behaviors with other munchkins) and 3 hours a day 3 days a week at home! I am so proud of his growth, his words, his working through loud noises and bright lights, his mimicking, his frustration. He has listened and learned and become conditioned to certain things so well that his therapy is progressing pretty quickly. He’s such a smart dude. He just makes my heart so happy.
(In case you aren’t familiar with ABA here’s a link to describe it :http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/treatment/applied-behavior-analysis-aba )

Mr. Max the Great (though he is small), starts his speech therapy next Friday. We are so very fortunate to have the same therapist that started Leo off. She is amazing and I feel like she gets me as a mom and a person. She seems to understand my worries, and for that I am grateful. She is also going to put a referral in to the O.T. (Occupational Therapy) services at his “school” to help with his sensory seeking behaviors. She thinks most of his head hitting, banging, biting are sensory seeking things and can be worked through with some O.T. help. His words are coming slowly and he still chooses to use grunts, yells, and “wassat”s for the majority of his communication, but I know he will pick up more and more words quickly.

Our van became uber unreliable when it just about took a dump on me Monday. So we sold it to someone who knows and has the ability to fix cars. We are very lucky that Joel is able to borrow a truck from work and I take over his car until we are able to purchase a new to us vehicle for me and the boys. I had been praying the van would hold out until our tax refund came in, but alas- I am not in control! (uh, duh!) This is teaching me flexibility, patience and understanding that it will all work out, its just not always when I think it should.

Today our therapy took us on an adventure with our Tutor Jordann. We took her to our favorite place- the Fresno Chaffee Zoo. Our trip lasted two and a half hours (a new record for us) and included visiting “the elephant castle”, petting every animal in the petting zoo, watching otters eat breakfast with their handlers, Leo very proudly stating to Jordann “Welcome to my fafingos” (while standing in front of the flamingo exhibit), touching sting rays, and feeding the giraffes (which he ran screaming from two months ago and totally protested doing 4 days ago). I am so proud of both of the boys for listening, being excited and wanting to learn everything they could today. And Jordann- thank you. For your enthusiasm and love. You’re amazing and I think you’ve found the most perfect career path.

10434052_10152985243123529_4460287435945861390_n
Feeding the Giraffe! 1/7/2015

10897080_10152985299088529_6704410505578990452_n

It’s amazing how the gals that come to the house twice a week feel like they have become part of our family. They celebrate every victory- big or small, they are always so excited to dive into whatever we have going on here. They mourn losses with us (we had a dog either run away or be stolen from our house a few weeks ago), they accept challenges like when I somehow think making cookies for Christmas with my two crazy toddlers is a great idea (before we started of course ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) and they listen. They listen to my worries and fears, to my excitement and they remind me when my heart is a little heavy that Leo is doing so very well. I can’t thank these gals enough for being such a huge part of our world, for becoming part of our family.

Joel is working tons of hours, as per usual and always finding new ways to keep the boys entertained outside to give me a little quiet time to putter.

Personally I am embarking on a big new adventure in March. I have been on a fitness journey pretty much my whole life, but last year I kicked it up to another level and Monday I registered to run my very first 5k. I created a team and will be running to raise money for autism research. My sister is going to run with me, and I am so very excited about it! On top of that I am in my 28th week of being part of a virtual fitness challenge and have met so many amazing women. We are all on a journey to being better than we were before the challenge. I am always learning from these ladies, and was voted “MVP” of my Nov-Dec group. That totally took me by surprise. I told Joel I guess I am too hard on myself. I never feel like I’m working hard enough or making big enough strides but I guess I am.
Here’s the link if you’d like to donate to our running team!

https://www.raceforautism.org/Team/View/5074/Super-Leo