Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

Transitions, stimming, workload, changes and walking. Lots and lots of walking. — April 23, 2015

Transitions, stimming, workload, changes and walking. Lots and lots of walking.

Those words pretty much sum up life around here as of late.
I walk, every single day. At least a mile. My body is changing in a great way, I feel better and have lessened my stress. I am also now a month off of my migraine meds and 7 months off of blood pressure meds. I think sunshine and movement are cure-alls for me 🙂

Tomorrow is our first official IEP for Leo and the transition from a Special Ed preschool class to an inclusion preschool class. I don’t have an idea what we are in for. I do know that we all seem to be on the same page and I am hopeful that everything is going to transition smoothly. Prayers are always welcome. 🙂

Max starts ABA 5 mornings a week the beginning of May. I am very hopeful for progress with his communication and behaviors. Again, Prayers very welcome.
With these changes I have to give up my Life Group that I am part of through church for the foreseeable future. Although I did suggest Skyping me into the study 🙂 I know this is again a season of life and change that will not be forever but feels kinda long.

Leos stimming, Maxs lack of words and general stuff around here has been on overdrive. I have made the decision that what gets done (house work wise) gets done. What doesn’t, well that can just wait until tomorrow. Things seem to get done more effortlessly, still not totally sure how that happens, but it does!

I wish I had more to say. I’ll get it together better after tomorrows meeting.
Until then Peace and love 🙂

Unreasonable expectations — February 20, 2015

Unreasonable expectations

I have them.
Daily.
I have them for myself, for my husband, for my children and even for my dog.
The funny thing is that I know in my brain that what I think should happen is ridiculous but for some reason my heart still wants them.
Logically:

the dog is going to bark at our mail lady- even though it’s been (just about) the same person, at just about the same time 6 days a week for 3 1/2 years.

Joel is going to be exhausted after work and I try to keep his “to do” list short, and focus on family time but there are days I feel like it’s not enough.

There will daily be at LEAST 2 loads of laundry. And if I slack on it for a couple of days there are then 100. So I should do it daily right?

The boys are going to want to play until they are so tired they fall over, I know this, I try to intercede and head off the massive screaming melt down of exhaustion by requesting “quiet time” in the hope of them settling down to rest. They are 4 and almost 2, they don’t care about sleep, they don’t want to sleep- they are sure they are going to miss something.

I should be further along in my weight loss. I should be able to run a 5k by now, I’ve been working at this for so long- why am I still in size 14 pant?

WHY do I keep getting myself worked up about these things. Why. because I feel the need to traffic direct anything I can. Because I feel like I can’t control so many things (ASD, Sensory freak outs, lack of words, screaming because we can’t talk, health issues, when the sun sets, what time Costco opens, how many people are going to cut me off taking Leo to school) that I feel like I have to have a choke hold on a few things to balance it out. And all I am doing is choking myself.

I pray daily that God calms my heart, softens me to the things that make me rigid, that he will help relax the control issues I have. Somedays he does, others he lets me fight it out.

Leo had to have an EEG Tuesday, it sucked. And I am having a hard time getting passed it.
Logic: He made it through, he did what they needed, we should have the results soon.
Emotion: I have to fully physically restrain him for the first time in a year, The tech was so gruff and told him over and over and over “he couldn’t cry and scream because of other kids at the clinic” (my thought- f the other kids dude, how about you focus on my freaked out one), I wasn’t prepared for the setting or the testing they way I wish I could have been to talk to Leo about it more, I feel like I failed him because we took 300 steps backward for a few days after having the test done.

Max has been saying more single words, and having worse and worse melt downs and tantrums when the words don’t come out. He’s also having worse gas issues. So we are trying lactaid again, tried coconut milk and he looked at me like I had lost my ever loving mind calling it “milk”. I read to him all of the time. We sit and look at one another trying to make words sounds, and it’s all just stuck, and hes mad, and I feel like I am failing him.

And none of this is logical, because we are all alive, working toward goals of understanding, breathing through uncomfortable stuffs and learning, but when the boys struggle I feel like it’s a personal reflection on me. The person that is with them just about 24 hours a day, the person that should be guiding them to daily success

UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

How do I pull myself away from them? I celebrate successes, but why are the set backs like a gut punch?
Gotta figure this out.

For my family

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Because they deserve more than I give them. Because God saw in his plan for these amazing creatures to be part of my world, and I need to remember that my need for order doesn’t matter when it comes to the happiness of my boys.

Not enough coffee in the universe — October 22, 2014

Not enough coffee in the universe

Life is so freaking busy. Adjusting to Leo going to the clinic 3 days a week and at home ABA 5 days a week. Tuesdays are going to be tight, he’s at the clinic from 9-12 then we have to teleport home and start therapy at 12:30. Talked to his tutor yesterday, Tuesdays are going to start with table stuff, so Leo can have lunch.  Dude gets hangry just like mommy if he doesn’t eat.

Yesterday was a real big boy day for Leo, he got himself fully dressed by himself (including socks and shoes), used a fork at lunch, whined about everything like a teenager and put himself to bed. Totally big boy status.

Max is a tornado. I can leave him in a room for 45 seconds, come back and it is a disaster. I don’t understand. It literally makes no sense to me on multiple levels. Why he wants to trash the world- or our living room, how he moves so fast and how quietly he is able to perform said destruction.

At least he slept, in our bed, in my spot most of the night and actually ate yesterday. But man. I think he has a plan to see how long it takes to put me on nut meds or ask to be placed in a home for the mentally trashed. His newest love of q tips, handsoap and my heels is mildly entertaining but all potentially harmful, especially if practiced at the same time.

Lord help me.

Or at least let the coffee beans be plentiful.

The sweetest words from someone so very special. — October 1, 2014

The sweetest words from someone so very special.

I’ve made comments before about not being a “girls girl” and I’m really not, but I am a total “Moms mom”. I’ve found myself more connected to  other moms since becoming one myself. I am blessed to have a handful I talk to and see frequently, and  a couple that I am able to be me with. I can be honest, I can be me. I can flip out when I need to. I can cry, I can question, I can pray, vent, eat, hug and love. I am so lucky. But there is one that is at the head of the pack that I never give enough credit to.

My Mom.

Yesterday when I was aprehensive about how the day was going to go I pick up my phone to a voicemail. In that voicemail was everything I needed to hear, and hearing them from my Mom they resinated even louder.

She taught me to work hard. To keep a tidy home, to always make people feel comfortable and welcome in that home. She taught me that the holidays are about being together and eating amazing food. She taught me to love hard. I’ve watched her fight for things she believes in, work hard for what she has, and has been in a loving marriage for quite a long time.

Child rearing is hard, I’ve said that before. And when you get a message that reassures that you are doing exactly what you should be, and that your kids are wonderful, to relax and breathe and it’ll all be okay from your Mom it takes 1,000lbs of pressure off of your shoulders. Because the people that matter see what you’re doing and think you’re rocking it.

Thank you Mom. I’m never deleting that message, and when I start to feel low I’m going to listen to it and know that it’s all good.

I love you.

Major decision day — September 25, 2014

Major decision day

After talking with the director of our ABA services yesterday, another night of crap sleep and Leo telling me “Momma I tiwerd” this morning, I knew something has to give. Just like having to adjust what I need for me to fit into what my family needs from me, Leo needs more structure, less stress and peer role models for positive behaviors. So, for now we are pulling him from school. I’ve never felt confident that his foundation of speech and emotional adaptation was strong enough for a school setting. After being diagnosed at 2 1/2 with “autistic like characteristics” (on my 31st birthday, theres a day I’ll never forget) we are just now at 3 1/2 (and almost my 32nd birthday) getting therapies.

We need to focus on the one on one, the help through transitions, the speech and learning how to play and love on our “mainstream” friends. OT starts in November and if we are in school and ABA and OT there is a great chance of all of us dying.

I kept Leo home this morning, we had a relaxed morning of Disney channel, playing cars with Max, eating a good breakfast, a nap, eating a good lunch and a great day at therapy. His entire mood was different. He was receptive, he was my Leo again. He’s been happy most all day, using full sentences, looking at me and addressing me when he needs something. So this is what has to happen for my guy.

Selfishly I don’t want to leave his class. His teachers have become my cheerleaders, therapists, mentors, my friends. I love these women more than I will EVER be able to put into words. They have given me hope when I felt like there wasn’t any, taught the boys the most amazing songs (I am a pizza anyone?), and loved on Leo even when he was hard to love on.

I know they can’t go far- i have their phone numbers *evil laugh* but the smiles and laughs and hugs will be missed something fierce.

I’ve known in my gut that this is what he needs, and now I can’t wait to see him fly. Leo, the world is all yours buddy- show us what you’ve got! 🙂

The never ending search for balance… — September 23, 2014

The never ending search for balance…

Always am I working toward balance. With my time, with people, with money, with projects. And on a day to day with my housewife/ mommy duties I do okay. With me as a person I fail. Like majorly fail. And I’ve realized that my personal failures turn into stress and my stress trickles down to my beautiful boys. And that is NOT okay.

Stress takes a huge toll on Leo and his deficits come to the surface more frequently when I’m a stress monkey. He and I are mannered alike in many ways and because of that hes VERY in tune to me. I love and hate it. I wish I could lie to him and tell him that mommy is fine and put a smile on, but I can’t. So he makes me check myself.

Max isn’t as affected by the stress but he does get much more fussy and doesn’t sleep as well. I don’t want his emotions to be on edge because of my stress. I want him to continue to smile and laugh and be a beautiful lil stinker.

Friday was so hard, Leo was hitting and screaming and not using words. It felt like a giant step back. So Saturday we had a quiet morning, well he and Max did- watching movies and eating pancakes and playing with books and puzzles (I deep cleaned the house- which honestly is crazy therapeutic for me). Saturday late afternoon to evening, as a whole family, we went to a birthday party. It was wonderful. Sunday we spent the entire day as a family eating together, running errands together, snuggling together. Recharging one anothers batteries. and it was so needed, for all 4 of us.

So lots of thinking made me readjust how I need to be doing things for my boys. I’m still going to have me time at the gym(now with a  workout buddy!) but it’s going to happen after dinner, after baths, after the boys go to sleep. So I don’t feel rushed with getting dinner together or at the gym.

And this won’t fix the balance issue, but for now it should help all of us enjoy one another a little more.