Dyer Family Happenings

A.K.A. Mommy needs a place to write!

The things I don’t like to talk about, but need to. — November 2, 2016

The things I don’t like to talk about, but need to.

20161101_172231This is now 3 days old. This is what happens to me often because of the boys. Its from being pinched or head butted or hit and at one time bit. Its because there are times they cant regulate, because they are overloaded and scared of something or some place.

Saturday going to trunk or treat did this to Leo. He was super excited, and when we got there he fell apart. Too many people, he didnt know where he was, he didnt know anyone and I hadnt been able to verbally walk him through what to expect because Id never been either. At least once a day Max takes my hand, he squeezes it so hard it hurts me and hi rubs it on his face, over and over and over and over. He does it until he is able to regilate his body and find his words when hes over stimulated.

I dont make a big deal about it because its part of our world. I dont talk about it because its very personal to the boys and there are times they draw attention to themselves with their physical actions. I dont talk about it because I dont want to have to explain, again what is going on with my kids.

I can feel when my kids are going to lose it. I can see a shoulder twitch or a breath, a hand motion or hear a pitch change in their voices and know if we are on the verge of a meltdown. If they are over stimulated. And sometimes it means that we are jamming from where we are at. Because my heart cant handle the eye rolls, stares and comments anymore. Because the people that judge us dont know how hard the boys have worked to learn how to stim and they dont know how hard Ive worked to accept autism.

Sometimes we wear bruises. And they keep up grounded and knowing that we are still working.

 

 

 

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Faith unwaivering — October 16, 2016

Faith unwaivering

Okay. I’ve had to step away from the news so many times in the past 6 months because of being angered, irritated and totally outraged at not only the actual news but the way it is being presented. Its ugly, its fear driven and its completely unacceptable.

Election years are hard. People shoot for the neck at one another they try to find the soft spot to poke and poke at. We repremand toddlers for this kind of behavior but every 4 years it becomes acceptable “banter” between candidates. Why our standards of mutual respect have taken a dump I’ll never understand.

Election years are hard for me on a spiritual level as well. My spirituality and belief in God is very personal. It doesn’t mean I won’t talk about it but I choose not to verbally lead with it. I do however try to lead by living it. I also believe that my personal beliefs do not traffic direct how I feel the government should be run. I do not live in a “Christian Nation” nor do I believe my beliefs are the only beliefs that should be accepted. I do believe that law is black and white, that there is way too much private interest money in very public issues and that religion of any kind has NO place dominating the government.

It is disgusting to me how one candidate claimed to be “Saved” and since making this public declaration has declined in his behavior. I’m not talking about his past (but his general disrespect of people is pretty awful) I am talking about lies that come out of his mouth, his threats, boasting, and general arrogance. I am disgusted with his followers that feel that violence, physical intimidation and awful words are appropriate ways of communication.

I have been worried about our country if Trump is elected and now, very honestly his followers scare me more. The violence is already amping up. If Trump is a Christian, as he openly professed he would be attempting to calm things down, even more than that, he would have never amped them up to begin with.

While my heart it hurting, my nerves are on edge and the Holiday season approaching my faith will not waiver. I have faith as a people we will shut down the violence. I have faith that as a people we will show love and acceptancefor one another. I have faith that as a people we will learn from one another, we will lift one another up and we will pull through this time of anger and ugly with a more positive community.

 

Peace, love and being a momma — September 22, 2016

Peace, love and being a momma

Today is International Peace Day. A day to spread peace and love speak and actions with everyone you meet. To show this world that we can and will not only conquer the rough stuff of life with love and smiles but that TOGETHER as a people we are better. Think about it, all of the beautifully amazing different things we all bring to the table. Thoughts, ways to worship, food, clothing, music, it’s amazing and beautiful.

And I don’t know why people are so scared of the things they don’t understand.

Embracing the things I don’t understand is just part of our world. Or rather has been for the past 5.5 years. There were things I didn’t understand before but I’d either learn about them or scootch around them, I was in control  of what I slammed face first into. And then Joel came into my world. He was new and I didn’t totally understand him and then we got married and I still didn’t have him totally figured out but I was much more comfortable with him. And then came Leo and the same, and then Max and holy Lord.

And just when I thought I was starting to understand Leo, bam- he regressed and was diagnosed with Autism. Same thing with Max. God has not let me live in comfort with these kids yet, and guess what…

I AM OKAY.

woah, wait a minute what. Yeah. Even in the moments, days, weeks, of uncertainty and confusion I am okay. Go figure that one. Even when I am not sure how to handle a behavior, how to make words come, how to keep health insurance, how to make a living, how to get from one place to the next in the correct time, I am okay. Why? Because I have faith. (Yes I have faith in God but He’s not who I am specifically talking about right now)

I have faith in the people around me. Family, friends, teachers, strangers. I have faith that there will be listening and love and understanding. That there will be hugs and tears and smiles and celebrations. Because that faith is what keeps the love moving from one person to the next. It’s what keeps me waking up every morning and wanting to push forward and through to that next hurdle. Because I know that there will always be someone with a kind or helpful word that will help get us over it. Because loving is learning.

So lets keep moving the love forward, even in the simplest of ways to one another. Have faith in your fellow man even when you might not understand his or her lifestyle choice, religion, choice of shoes. Because those things aren’t as important as being better together, and being together as people trying to live and love.

Wishing you all a peace filled evening and life

 

 

 

To Leo — August 15, 2016

To Leo

Dear Leo,

Tomorrow is your first day of Kindergarten. What a big dude you’ve become. This past year you have learned so much. We have watched you grow leaps and bounds in the words you say, the foods you try, the friends you’ve made and the confidence you’ve built. On the eve of your first day of Kindergarten I have a few things I want to tell you.

Above all else, continue to love others the way you do now. You have one of the most amazing souls I have ever been privileged to meet. Keep that love always, it’s precious and very rare.

Take a deep breath when you get overwhelmed or frustrated. Make sure to use your words in a nice tone and I have no doubt the help you need is the help you will get.

Make sure it’s “shoot” not “shit” (please, pretty pretty please)

Know that some things are going to be hard and that’s okay because they won’t be hard forever.

Always say please and thank you. To your teachers, the cafeteria lady, the crossing guards and the janitors. They all work very hard to help you succeed and we need to make sure we know how special they are to us.

The days are going to be longer, there will be more structure and more sit down and listen but there are going to be some familiar things too. You’re down the same hall you were last year, the food is pretty much the same and you already have a friend in the class. How lucky that you get to see Jaxn every day.

You are one very very lucky guy. You have so many friends rooting you on this year. So many teachers and tutors that are so excited for you. You have a support system that is literally as big as the sky, full of more love than could fit in the Pacific ocean and more excitement that I have seen in my time so far on Earth.

You are all ready my love. Sweet dreams, sleep tight. And tomorrow we start a whole new journey. I love you. I am so proud of you. You make my world so very good.

Love,

Momma

 

The want — July 24, 2016

The want

I love watching videos of my friends kiddos singing and dancing and counting. Asking questions and drawing and playing. And every single time I end up with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

At 3 years 4 months old Max can’t recite his ABCs, he can almost count to 10. At 5 Leos words are still sometimes unintelligible and he can’t read a first reader book or write his first name clearly.

I just want one thing, one neurotypical thing to happen for my kids at the “normal” age. Just one. So far at 5 and 3 that hasn’t happened. So far at 5 and 3 this has been missing. And I know we are on our own schedule but damn if it wouldn’t be nice to hit a mark when other kids do.

 

Hatred and Irrational Fear….. — July 16, 2016

Hatred and Irrational Fear…..

Muslims, Gays, Jews, Transgendered persons, handicapped, immigrants, non followers of Jesus, the Government.

The fear against these groups of people are rampant and seem to be more and more in the forefront of news articles and peoples talk. All of this irrational fear. For what? So you can justify your racist words and actions? So you can build your arsenal of weapons and segregate yourself from the world? So your paranoia about people and things have a justified place?  Interesting.

Yesterday I was told that the borders to the US need to be shut off because we are over populated. That “they” take our jobs away, that “they” are a drain. These words came from someone who has been retired for over 30 years. This persons reality comes from watching Fox News and believing its the gospel according to man. How small a mind is this? I was told that in “my day” we worked the fields. I asked to be introduced to one spoiled white American that would be willing to pick lettuce. One. They might do it for their own family but they surely aren’t going to do it as a profession.

I have been told that the government is trying to control our every move. They want to take our rights as citizens away. They want to limit what we are able to do, by a person that believes being a homosexual is a choice that comes from some sort of trauma. That believes the LGBTQ community shouldn’t be able to call their marriages just that. To someone who opposes the right for a woman to control what happens to her own body, who believes that pot shouldn’t be legal but we should be drilling to make gas cheaper. So, control is only okay when it aligns with my personal beliefs? Oh okay.

Terrorists are automatically thought to be Muslim, because if there is an eccentric minority in a people group of course they represent all of that people group. So all Christians are like Westboro Baptist church right? And the KKK, and the Evangelical mega churches that preach hate and fear? Its okay if I spout my truth and push my beliefs in your face, even if it includes violence and ugly words, hatred of a people group as long as I state its what MY God has put into my heart.

Hate and fear have become acceptable emotions, justifiable with the reaction to said emotion, how wrong is that? Teaching hate spreads the horror that is currently active in the World. Preaching fear takes power from people to strive to make positive decisions. Why does it seem more than ever that people believe EVERYTHING they are told? When did people stop questioning why something is what it is or how it is? Maybe it’s always been this way and I’ve been fortunate to not encounter it.

I was taught as a child to have respect for others but to ask questions. Asking questions is not a disrespectful act, its how we learn. So I always have. And I think and think and think and research and I form my own opinion. Sometimes it falls in line with others and sometimes it doesn’t. I attend church, I love the way they teach the Bible, like an ongoing history lesson. They talk about what was happening at the time a certain book was written, but I have never been told what to believe or how I am suppose to believe in or worship God. I disagree with a giant portion of the people in this world and my faith on certain issue. My beliefs don’t make me any less spiritually linked to God than the person next to me. My heart works in a different way than many.

This past week was heavy. War, death, friendships, hate speak, propositions to remove rights of citizens, talk of deporting all persons that believe different than the Evangelical Christians, having to fight for services for my son- again. My heart is hurting. Hurting so much that it’s put me into a very sad place that I am having a very hard time pulling out of. I don’t understand any of this. I can’t wrap my head around thinking some are less than because they are different. I don’t understand how shouting hate at people is acceptable. I don’t understand any of it. I want to change it and I’m not sure how to impact the world around me right now. That is probably the hardest. Knowing I need to stand tall and strong in my words and beliefs and feeling so tiny compared to the nasty. Feeling like I am an ant in a world of T-Rex dinosaurs who use their aggression and giant teeth to either make you join or take you out.

Life is hard enough with adding hate and irrational fear to your shopping list. Don’t pick that shit up, it’s over priced and goes bad way before it’s expiration date. I’m putting on my shit kickers and going to boot that negative crap out. It has no place in my world. Jesus has placed love in my heart and that’s what I plan on sharing with the world.

Broken — July 13, 2016

Broken

My passion is sometimes mistaken for emotional garbage. When it usually is a byproduct of staying quiet for too long.

My choices for right and wrong have changed dramatically with the changes in the world.

They are not popular thought, they are not mainstream  but they are my heart. 

And my heart is screaming that people that I held in it, close to it, made a part of it not only dont want to understand me, but are trying to convince me that i am wrong in my convictions.

I will no longer stay silent. Guns do not belong in homes, hate crimes have to stop, people need to just fucking love one another.

I will not chnage my mind about these things. All lives will not matter until black lives and LGBTQ lives matter. We are not a Christian nation, we are a nation that is suppose to open our arms to people of all types.

My heart hurts and will continue hurting until the violence stops, people stop fighting for guns and the people I hold close stop talking to me like my heart doesnt matter.

Until then..