Leo’s words are many. Not all come out properly, and although I speak Leo fluently the rest of the world definately does not. It does blow me away how perfectly some words come out of his mouth and others come out like he has hearing loss. He’s been tested before andafter tubes and we are told his hearing is spot on now (post tubes) but I can’t help but wonder why after having tubes in for a year all of his words aren’t better.

The time (I say time, not days or hours because most of the time his behaviors change so rapidly) that his words are many, and used in sentences are beautiful and productive and give me hope. Then there are the times he speaks in “Leo”, which I’m convinced is a cross of martian and Russian with a little Thai flair, and uses this jibber jabber and noises to communicate. These times kill me. It is a fight to find out what he needs, who he wants, if something is wrong. This weekend was more of “Leo” than it was english, and its been frustrating. Paired with the language of Leo has been hitting and throwing.

I can’t break through it, I couldn’t get him to use his “I want” statements, I couldn’t get him to look at me. His stimming with sounds was off the charts. And as patient as I am with him and the situation I get mad, but not at him. I get so mad that between Joel and I we have enough words for 17 people and none of those have gone to our son. I get mad that I can watch his frustration when he can’t put his wants or emotions into words and I can’t help him. So I hold him. So I hug him. So we read a book or watch a movie or go for a walk.

And now I’m starting to worry about Max and his lack of words. At 18 months he has about 7 words and a lot of sounds. None of those words, aside from “Momma” are very clear.  It freaks me out. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I’m glad I ordered a P.E.C. book.

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