Fridays therapy was a little rough, but with me having a little more hands on with Leo he rode his tricycle- using the pedals and steering the handles bars, and he held a marker, the correct way in his left hand and drew a circle!
Saturday he was amazing. We spent hours at the zoo with my family, played in our backyard, danced, listened to music, read books.
And then today happened. He woke up okay. We had an amazing early morning rainstorm comlpete with thunder and lightening. He twirled in the pouring rain with me. He asked for something to eat- pizza to be exact- I said sure thing and toaster ovened some. When the time came for him to sit and eat, he threw pizza. Then his language started slipping. Sometimes he would use a word but the majorty of today was jibberish and sounds. No using “I” sentences. He was loud, he was all over the place. He’s been potty trained for a month now, today you would’t have known it. He peed his pants 5 times, we had to have a 30 minute “no you’re not getting off the toilet until you poop” stand off. (All the while he’s telling me- it’s okay Momma I poop on the grass. No child, you’re not a puppy) We had some ugly at church tonight. *sigh*
I am frustrated, my heart hurts, I am lost and mad. Days like these crush my hopes, make me wonder if we are actually making progress, make me wonder if I’m doing the right thing for him. And right now it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. And while I’m griping, I am sick of looks from other moms when Leo is stimming or having a rough time, I am sick of having to say- “he’s autistic”. I am sick of judgement.
I feel like I should wear a tshirt that says “yes, he’s autistic” and then I wouldn’t have to say it. I know that our struggles with Leo have made me much more sensitive to other kids that might be having a rough time. I try to smile at the mom or dad that is wrestling them, or having to pull them aside or nurse a hurt. it’s that look of, if I could hug you and tell you you’re amazing I would.
Child rearing is hard. Everyone has an idea of what is best for your kids. I know deep in my gut (and because I pray every night for God to continue to lead us on the right path for Leo) that we are doing the right thing, I know for every success we are going to have multiple failures, I know he is amazing and that God has an amazing plan for Leo. But right now I feel like crying.
And Mr. Max, his words are getting to be so many. The way he not only holds a sppon but can actually scoop is amazing. His wiggle walk is just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. (He kinda like a bulldog) There are things he does that send my autism feelers on overload. (This is right about when Leo took a jump back/ complete stop in gainsin language and motor skills).
It’s time for bed.I’m on emotional overload. Tomorrow has to be better, I’m going to try my hardest to make it better.