Always am I working toward balance. With my time, with people, with money, with projects. And on a day to day with my housewife/ mommy duties I do okay. With me as a person I fail. Like majorly fail. And I’ve realized that my personal failures turn into stress and my stress trickles down to my beautiful boys. And that is NOT okay.
Stress takes a huge toll on Leo and his deficits come to the surface more frequently when I’m a stress monkey. He and I are mannered alike in many ways and because of that hes VERY in tune to me. I love and hate it. I wish I could lie to him and tell him that mommy is fine and put a smile on, but I can’t. So he makes me check myself.
Max isn’t as affected by the stress but he does get much more fussy and doesn’t sleep as well. I don’t want his emotions to be on edge because of my stress. I want him to continue to smile and laugh and be a beautiful lil stinker.
Friday was so hard, Leo was hitting and screaming and not using words. It felt like a giant step back. So Saturday we had a quiet morning, well he and Max did- watching movies and eating pancakes and playing with books and puzzles (I deep cleaned the house- which honestly is crazy therapeutic for me). Saturday late afternoon to evening, as a whole family, we went to a birthday party. It was wonderful. Sunday we spent the entire day as a family eating together, running errands together, snuggling together. Recharging one anothers batteries. and it was so needed, for all 4 of us.
So lots of thinking made me readjust how I need to be doing things for my boys. I’m still going to have me time at the gym(now with a workout buddy!) but it’s going to happen after dinner, after baths, after the boys go to sleep. So I don’t feel rushed with getting dinner together or at the gym.
And this won’t fix the balance issue, but for now it should help all of us enjoy one another a little more.