Also known as “holy hell I just okayed a bunch of strangers to come into my house”

ABA- applied behavioral analysis, is a type of therapy Leo started last week.

^^^^ more info

ABA services for us is 3 hours a day Monday through Friday, AFTER 3 hours at school in the mornings. Therapy is one on one with a tutor and Leo, in his room working on eye contact, appropriate asking, using words instead of throwing and screaming, fine motor skills, relaxing through transitions, interacting with others. The first couple of days were awesome. He started using “I want” statements, making eye contact, it was amazing.

And then this week started. And today was by far the worst.

Hitting has become a problem at school. Hitting everyone including his teachers. It mortifies me. I have always been worried that with his size (he’s a big guy) and not knowing his strength that he would hurt someone.

School today he was hitting so he could comfort his “friends” after he hit. Therapy today was awful. He screamed, hit and cried for the better part of 3 hours. I know he is exhausted, after waking up at 4:30 this morning, but woah.

I was told/ warned that this therapy was intense, not only in the amount of time they will be working with Leo daily but the expectations they place on him. Its repetition, its refocusing, its hard. Being told that and actually living it are two different worlds.

It is hard knowing your child has deficits, its hard hearing from teachers about the struggles he is having at school- never with the curriculum, always with transitions, melt downs and social issues, but there is a whole new light placed on them when you see first hand.

And I want to fix it, and I can’t. And I want to hug him, and I can’t. And I want to run into his room, and I can’t. I see him not find a word he needs, get frustrated, throw something and realize as the object is leaving his hand that it was a bad decision. But I can’t fix it. He can tell you what correct behavior is for circle time but he can’t model it.The connection between know and put into action isn’t connected, and I can’t fix it.

I pray that today was because he was exhausted. (He fell asleep on the couch before his teacher was done writing notes about todays visit) I pray that tomorrow will be easier for him. I pray